On my last night before surgery, I will not write Thank you / Good bye letters like I did before but rather express it here!
Moore / Agha Jan - thank you for bringing me up the person that I am. I hope my children has the discipline and heart that you have given me. They say kids learn by example (well for starters, I am not a good cook, so we know that's not true, I cannot build anything - so Agha Jan I didn't pick that up and I cannot sew) but I do have a big heart which I learned from you both . No matter how hard our life was, you never made it see or feel it. No matter how big we became, you never let us forget where we came from. NO matter how much we had, you reminded us that we need to give back. No matter how much culture pressured you to marry off your daughters, you told us to focus on school......so thank you for making me who I am. I know that I might have rebeled a little (yes, I said a little *wink*) but you where always there. I truly love you and pray that my kids feel about me the way I feel about you two.
To My Sisters - I cannot write to each one of you because you will sit there and read it to each other anyway! Each one of you are so different but so alike. We need a Shna dana because we truly love each other, hate each other and cannot live without each other. H - I wish you live life a little more like me and be selfish (you come first before anyone but I know you won't listen to me), N - I wish you all the happiness you are searching for. S - I now how the dreams you have and I have no doubt they will come true and my little M - life is not easy for you with so many mothers to tell you what to do but I know you can handle it. It is okay to break down once a while. If you are too tough, you might end up like me and I cannot bear to see you go through the hardship I went through! To Sdub - you were an angle who was sent to me -- I cannot express how grateful I am to you. You sent a care package for every treatment, you sent my kids gifts every week, you listened to me bitch and complain -- at the end of every conversation you made me smile. Our relationship is proof to the world that two people from different religion can be closer then family! To Z khala - you are my rock, I take my strenght from you. In the last year you have stood your ground and I am proud of you! I know it is hard.
To My kids (including all the nieces and nephew) - should you stumble on this blog many years later. You have no clue how much I love you! Everything I do is to make sure you guys can hold your head up high years later! Remember I had given one of you the moon and the other one the shiny star in the sky! I rode you all hard but it was only my way of preparing you for the hard world out there....I will be there to catch everyone of you (including my big bear N).
To my husband - who will probably only read this if I do not wake up from my surgery . I know you don't like PDA so I will not express it here to respect your wishes. There will be hand written note for you!
So now, I ask each and everyone of you to pray for me as I am going in for this surgery! I figured a way to blog on my blackerry. As soon as H gives me my Blackberry, I will let you know how I am doing. Should I not wake up, I hope my courage, zest for life gives the courage for everyone to live every day as a gift given by Allah! Enjoy your family, your friends and yourself -- make sure you can look yourself in the eye for all your actions. Don't sleep through life!