Dear all:
I am sorry that I have been missing in action but life took over for a little bit and I returned to work The first week of July.
Cancer stuff:
The hair is growing back thick and curly. I can finally style it and it looks good. I have been working to out to get healthy and lose some weight (not working). I have been being super healthy with what my family puts in their mouth. I started to see a therapist to help me deal with the depression that hit after treatment was done. I did not realize how much bullshit we push a side when we go into survival mode. It is also very scary to not see the doctor on a weekly basis like I have been doing for the past 15 months. I have to learn to deal with the "how you are doing now comment" that I get all the time. If you want advice from me, please do not ask a friend who was battling cancer the following:
1. "how are you doing now". We hate this! We want to shout back and say "well, we are not dead yet". Just ignore the question. Say something like, I am excited to see you.
2. Don't say "great hair cut"....we did not have a choice. Say something like, you look great, love how you are making this work...
3. Do not say "wow, you gained weight in your stomach"....we know we have. We do not need you to tell us.
4. Do not tell us about the family or friend who went through the same thing.
Personal life:
Having some issues with work stuff. Very stressed out about some bad advice I was given. I hope it is resolved by end of July. I hate living in limbo land. Found a tick in my daughter's head. Very worried that it doesn't turn into that "target" sign or Lime disease.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Saying Good bye to a friend
Today I say good bye to my friend Karen Graham. When I posted on 4/25 that I had just saw her and admired her strength, I didn't realize I had to say good bye to her this soon.
Her passing is hitting me like a ton of bricks! Part sad because I lost a good friend. Part because she lost her battle to Cancer and she considered herself a Breast Cancer Survivor for the past five years. She was the strongest, toughest woman I had come across.
I am scared this is my fate but as my sister and husband has told me that as Muslim my death is destined and will go when it is my time. I know that is easy to say but when you are faced with mortality as I have it gets scary. I am not scare of dieing, I am sad that I will not see my kids grow up. I am sad that Karen wanted to dance at her grandchildren's wedding and now she won't.
They say people come into your life for a reason, I know why she came into my life.
Her passing is hitting me like a ton of bricks! Part sad because I lost a good friend. Part because she lost her battle to Cancer and she considered herself a Breast Cancer Survivor for the past five years. She was the strongest, toughest woman I had come across.
I am scared this is my fate but as my sister and husband has told me that as Muslim my death is destined and will go when it is my time. I know that is easy to say but when you are faced with mortality as I have it gets scary. I am not scare of dieing, I am sad that I will not see my kids grow up. I am sad that Karen wanted to dance at her grandchildren's wedding and now she won't.
They say people come into your life for a reason, I know why she came into my life.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
To my friend Karen Graham
Last night my mom and I went to a Cancer Gala to support a friend Karen Graham who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer five years ago. She is third generation with breast cancer, she lost her mother and grandmother to this. In the past five years, she has gone through more then anyone I know. The cancer has spread to her Lungs and now her brain. Seeing her at this event with her husband holding her oxygen meds and she still week from the hospital stay a few days ago, made me realize what a fighter she really is. As weak and beaten as she was, she got up and danced a slow dance with her husband (no Afghan woman will do that when released from the hospital two days earlier).
A little history on how Karen and I met. I was her client and her sales force called on me. Part of my job is to negotiate the very best ad price for her station. So when I would go back to her sales group and tell them to redo the numbers, I would get a call from Karen and would strong arm to accept the rate she was selling. She was the one sales manager that I had night sweats about talking to because I could never have the right numbers or history to win a negotiation round. She was the strongest, toughest little woman I had ever met. She did scare me a little.
When I got diagnosed I called her and told her I didn't know what I was doing and I needed help. She got in her car and met me at an Ice-cream shop in Cherry Hill and over ice-cream she talked all the fear out of me. She handed me a scarf and teached me how to wear a scarf on my head when my hair falls out. She handed me books and inspirational bag to help me get through this. She let me cry and she understood every fear I had. After my friend Sharon, she was the next call I would make every time I was lost or scared. Their strength, religious believe and positive outlook on this deadly disease made me get through my terrible year.
While going through everything she is going through, she still helps the newly diagnosed girls. So once again, I am asking all of you out there to send a prayer to her because she wants to see and dance at her twin granddaughters wedding!
Karen - thank you for being there for me, I hope you allow me to be there for you!
A little history on how Karen and I met. I was her client and her sales force called on me. Part of my job is to negotiate the very best ad price for her station. So when I would go back to her sales group and tell them to redo the numbers, I would get a call from Karen and would strong arm to accept the rate she was selling. She was the one sales manager that I had night sweats about talking to because I could never have the right numbers or history to win a negotiation round. She was the strongest, toughest little woman I had ever met. She did scare me a little.
When I got diagnosed I called her and told her I didn't know what I was doing and I needed help. She got in her car and met me at an Ice-cream shop in Cherry Hill and over ice-cream she talked all the fear out of me. She handed me a scarf and teached me how to wear a scarf on my head when my hair falls out. She handed me books and inspirational bag to help me get through this. She let me cry and she understood every fear I had. After my friend Sharon, she was the next call I would make every time I was lost or scared. Their strength, religious believe and positive outlook on this deadly disease made me get through my terrible year.
While going through everything she is going through, she still helps the newly diagnosed girls. So once again, I am asking all of you out there to send a prayer to her because she wants to see and dance at her twin granddaughters wedding!
Karen - thank you for being there for me, I hope you allow me to be there for you!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Being Thankful!
We finally got some sun this weekend, the weather was just perfect and sunny here. Off course it is 45 degrees and raining today. This weekend, my mother and sister helped me get the patio ready for the summer. They pulled out the chairs and purchased new cushions for the outside patio. Iqbal has to bring out the table from the garage but he does things on his time table, not mine. I learned in my 10 year of marriage that I cannot nag and force him to do things my way or when I need it because it will never get done and we will end up in a fight. So I learned the next best way to get things done by him....cook him his favorite meal (anything with rice and meat), Kabob and a khalwa does it too.
If that doesn't work, I tell Nina to nag her baba (always works because he adores her). Before she was born, he was worried that he would not love a daughter. You know the culture thing where we love our sons more then our daughters. He had also had made his mind up that his daughter was not going to go to college and will get married early. Well, 7 years ago we had this beautiful, perfect, quite daughter who never cried. She smiled at everything. She slept through the nights at 3 months. This little girl wrapped him around her little finger soo tightly that his heart melts when she speaks. All his fear about loving her and not educating her went out the window! She loves him just as deeply as he loves her. She kisses him every chance she gets (when he is awake or a sleep). He loves the fact that she talks, talks, talks. She talks with her hands as if she is a 50 year old grandmother and she is super smart. I hope and pray that their relationship stay this strong and lovable during those critical and challenging time when she is a teenager. Last night, she put her arm around my neck and said "mommy, tell me about your life, tell me about your children, tell me about your husband". My only complaint against her is that she is a bag lady. OMG does she put everything (I mean everything, including junk mail) in bags and puts them in her room. That alone can be a few pages of this blog!
The family friend: My mom and I went to visit her because she went home from the hospital after four weeks. When we went over there, she had her nurse there. She looked good but I felt bad that she couldn't communicate with the nurses and doctors because her English was not good. It made me feel bad that she had to rely on her dad or sister to help her communicate her needs and feelings. I am grateful that she is here to get her treatment. I wish she had attended some schooling so she can learn English. There is soo much about this disease that has to be communicated directly with the doctor and not through someone else (i.e. how do you tell your father to tell the doctor that you want to freeze your eggs so you can have a baby someday? or how do you tell your dad to tell the doctor that you have blisters down there?). I can see her dad and mom are very supportive. She has a very good and extended family but I wish she had attending school before she had got married.
On flip side, my nurse sister made me realize that too much information could be a bad thing. The fact that she doesn't know everything could help her (while it drove me crazy, I googled everything, read every blog and bulletin). I offered her my support and told her I would there for her if she needed.
Moral of this post.....please, please, please educate your children. It will come in handy for them one day. We are not immortal and cannot always protect them, therefore we have to arm them with education to make their own decisions.
If that doesn't work, I tell Nina to nag her baba (always works because he adores her). Before she was born, he was worried that he would not love a daughter. You know the culture thing where we love our sons more then our daughters. He had also had made his mind up that his daughter was not going to go to college and will get married early. Well, 7 years ago we had this beautiful, perfect, quite daughter who never cried. She smiled at everything. She slept through the nights at 3 months. This little girl wrapped him around her little finger soo tightly that his heart melts when she speaks. All his fear about loving her and not educating her went out the window! She loves him just as deeply as he loves her. She kisses him every chance she gets (when he is awake or a sleep). He loves the fact that she talks, talks, talks. She talks with her hands as if she is a 50 year old grandmother and she is super smart. I hope and pray that their relationship stay this strong and lovable during those critical and challenging time when she is a teenager. Last night, she put her arm around my neck and said "mommy, tell me about your life, tell me about your children, tell me about your husband". My only complaint against her is that she is a bag lady. OMG does she put everything (I mean everything, including junk mail) in bags and puts them in her room. That alone can be a few pages of this blog!
The family friend: My mom and I went to visit her because she went home from the hospital after four weeks. When we went over there, she had her nurse there. She looked good but I felt bad that she couldn't communicate with the nurses and doctors because her English was not good. It made me feel bad that she had to rely on her dad or sister to help her communicate her needs and feelings. I am grateful that she is here to get her treatment. I wish she had attended some schooling so she can learn English. There is soo much about this disease that has to be communicated directly with the doctor and not through someone else (i.e. how do you tell your father to tell the doctor that you want to freeze your eggs so you can have a baby someday? or how do you tell your dad to tell the doctor that you have blisters down there?). I can see her dad and mom are very supportive. She has a very good and extended family but I wish she had attending school before she had got married.
On flip side, my nurse sister made me realize that too much information could be a bad thing. The fact that she doesn't know everything could help her (while it drove me crazy, I googled everything, read every blog and bulletin). I offered her my support and told her I would there for her if she needed.
Moral of this post.....please, please, please educate your children. It will come in handy for them one day. We are not immortal and cannot always protect them, therefore we have to arm them with education to make their own decisions.
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