My last weekend before the big surgery. I have so much to do but I cannot be motivated to do anything. On top if it is my Birthday! I know I should be thrilled that I made to my 36th birthday because last year this time I felt doomed. My house was full of flowers as if it is was my funeral. I had my mastectomy two weeks before my birthday. So to make it today is a major mile stone but how ironic that I am preparing for another surgery 1 year later. AT least I do not feel like the world is over this year! Friday was my last day at work to prepare for the surgery. I am going to be out of work 8 - 12 weeks.

So a few good things happened this week

1. My six months tests showed up clean - so monitoring them for 1 full years, every 6 months show no new growth. No Cancer and my Heart function is getting stronger. The Chemo treatment I am on, weakens the heart. I was worried about it 3 months ago as the test keep showing the pumping of my heart kept going down. This last test showed that it actually went up by 3 points! The medical terms I learned this year is enough to put me through medical school!

2. I also release that I really need to re look at my career / family balance. I was so focused on my career that before Cancer that I aimed for the sky. When I got Diagnosed, I focused on me and my family and put my career on the back burner. Now that I might see a light at the end of this dark tunnel, I need to relook at where I need to be. I am not the stay at home type but I feel I need to make a difference in this terrible world!

3. The hospital called to tell me that my insurance is going to pick up most of the cost for the surgery. I am going to be responsible for 10% of the cost. Our lovely health system -- we have no clue what the cost the hospital / doctors will settle with the insurance company and that that means to me (except 10% of whatever they settle at). I do have to be grateful that unlike some countries, I will not be allowed to have this surgery unless I pay upfront before the surgery.

A few things on my to do list before I go under are: Get the house cleaned, stock up on ready to eat food, do domestic duties (clean kids clothes)! I still fear that I might not wake up, so I need to write some good bye notes for my family and kids. I must turn in Nina's add a Pearl necklace to the Jewelers. When she was born, I stated a Pearl Necklace -- for her every birthday, I add the numbers of Pearls to represent her age. I had planned to give it to her on her wedding day. I want to make sure that I turn that in as her Birthday is April 1s and I will not be able to drive for up to 4 weeks. For those of you who knows me -- that is going to kill me! I cannot stay home and watch TV all day!