Saturday, March 14, 2009

My last weekend before the big surgery. I have so much to do but I cannot be motivated to do anything. On top if it is my Birthday! I know I should be thrilled that I made to my 36th birthday because last year this time I felt doomed. My house was full of flowers as if it is was my funeral. I had my mastectomy two weeks before my birthday. So to make it today is a major mile stone but how ironic that I am preparing for another surgery 1 year later. AT least I do not feel like the world is over this year! Friday was my last day at work to prepare for the surgery. I am going to be out of work 8 - 12 weeks.

So a few good things happened this week

1. My six months tests showed up clean - so monitoring them for 1 full years, every 6 months show no new growth. No Cancer and my Heart function is getting stronger. The Chemo treatment I am on, weakens the heart. I was worried about it 3 months ago as the test keep showing the pumping of my heart kept going down. This last test showed that it actually went up by 3 points! The medical terms I learned this year is enough to put me through medical school!

2. I also release that I really need to re look at my career / family balance. I was so focused on my career that before Cancer that I aimed for the sky. When I got Diagnosed, I focused on me and my family and put my career on the back burner. Now that I might see a light at the end of this dark tunnel, I need to relook at where I need to be. I am not the stay at home type but I feel I need to make a difference in this terrible world!

3. The hospital called to tell me that my insurance is going to pick up most of the cost for the surgery. I am going to be responsible for 10% of the cost. Our lovely health system -- we have no clue what the cost the hospital / doctors will settle with the insurance company and that that means to me (except 10% of whatever they settle at). I do have to be grateful that unlike some countries, I will not be allowed to have this surgery unless I pay upfront before the surgery.

A few things on my to do list before I go under are: Get the house cleaned, stock up on ready to eat food, do domestic duties (clean kids clothes)! I still fear that I might not wake up, so I need to write some good bye notes for my family and kids. I must turn in Nina's add a Pearl necklace to the Jewelers. When she was born, I stated a Pearl Necklace -- for her every birthday, I add the numbers of Pearls to represent her age. I had planned to give it to her on her wedding day. I want to make sure that I turn that in as her Birthday is April 1s and I will not be able to drive for up to 4 weeks. For those of you who knows me -- that is going to kill me! I cannot stay home and watch TV all day!


  1. Khala-Jan!

    Be strong! Don't give up, keep hope alive, everything will be all right!

    You are a brave woman!

    Nasim Fekrat

  2. سلام. من هم پنج ماه پیش بدون هیچ پیش زمینه ای بیماری رو گرفتم و الان دارم شیمی درمانی میشم. وزنم هم هی روز به روز زیاد میشه به خاطر داروها. ولی میدونی چیه، راه دیگه ای نیست باید ادامه داد. بالاخره وضایفی داریم تو این دنیا. من مجبورم با تمام بدحالی و مشکلاتم باز هم هر روز کار کنم که بتونم هزینه دارو هام رو تامین کنم. شاید روزی که خوب شدیم به این روزا بخندیم، شایدم خوب نشیم ولی باید ادامه داد دیگه

  3. In this proud land we grew up strong
    We were wanted all along
    I was taught to fight, taught to win
    I never thought I could fail
    No fight left or so it seems I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
    I've changed my face, I've changed my name
    But no one wants you when you lose
    Don't give up
    'Cos you have friends
    Don't give up You're not beaten yet
    Don't give up
    I know you can make it good
    Though I saw it all around
    Never thought I could be affected
    Thought that we'd be the last to go
    It is so strange the way things turn
    Drove the night toward my home
    The place that I was born, on the lake side
    As daylight broke, I saw the earth
    The trees had burned down to the ground
    Don't give up Geef niet op
    You still have us
    Don't give up
    We don't need much of anything
    Don't give up
    'Cause somewhere there's a place
    Where we belong
    Rest your head
    You worry too much
    It's going to be alright
    When times get rough
    You can fall back on us
    Don't give up
    Please don't give up
    'Got to walk out of here
    I can't take anymore
    Going to stand on that bridge
    Keep my eyes down below
    Whatever may come
    And whatever may go
    That river's flowing
    Oh that river's flowing
    Moved on to another town
    Tried hard to settle down
    For every job, so many men
    So many men no-one needs
    Don't give up
    'Cause you have friends
    Don't give up
    You're not the only one
    Don't give up
    No reason to be ashamed
    Don't give up
    You still have us
    Don't give up now
    We're proud of who you are
    Don't give up
    You know it's never been easy
    Don't give up
    'Cause I believe there's a place
    There's a place where we belong
    ""Kate Bush & Peter Gabriel - Don't give up""
    Don`t worry, God help you, Just believe in God and move forward
    I pray for you

  4. سلام
    خاله جان
    می‌خواستم بگم آقای دکتر عالیشاهی در وین یک دستگاه ساخته که سرطان را درمان می‌کنه آدرس سایت و یک فیلم از سمیناری که تازه در ایران داشته برات فرستادم
    باهاش تماس بگیر همه ازش نتیجه گرفتن تا حالا
    این یک کار علمی‌ زیر نظر دولت اتریش است کاملا تایید شده از طرف دولت اتریش
    با میل یا تلفن خود دکتر تماس بگیر بهت جواب میده
    امیدوارم نتیجه بگیری
    من خودم ۲ بچه کوچیک دارم نگرانی تو رو میفهمم
    دعا می‌کنم نتیجه بگیری

    قربانت مریم