Saturday, March 7, 2009

Light at the end of the Road

What a year 2008 was for me! I have always thought I was lucky and had an angel watching over me. I was thankful for what I had -- Great husband, a job I like, healthy kids...bla,bla,bla. Boy did my life get tested with a small lump! For once in my life I felt I didn't know where I was or where I was going. My future was no longer safe.

Some how I made it through the chemo treatment, the loss of my hair, the extra wight that comes with chemo (like I need an excuse for all the gain weight). When you are five feet tall, gaining 1lb is enough to make you look like a gaining an extra 20 lbs on top of the "desk job" weight is enough to wear a mu-mu for the rest of your life.

People tell me I am strong for making through this -- I am not strong. I had no choice. I had two little kids I needed to worry about. I am not done with leaving my mark on the world! I still want to know why me?

Where I am today, I have two more Hercepton treatment to go and scheduled for a DIEP surgery with Dr. Serletti in two weeks. I am very scared -- but then again I get scared anytime I have to go under. I am also scared of the pain and depending on people after the surgery.

You ask what is a DIEP (Deep Inferior Epigastric Perforator (artery). A type of surgery that takes my lower abdomen skin and fat (I do have a lot of this) and created my new Foobs. The main reason I decided on this was I did not want the DR to removes my stomach muscle. I know too much details. If you only knew the amount of pictures and website I visited to make sure I was doing the right thing.


  1. سلام خاله جان عزیز ، آدرس وبلاګت را از طریق نسیم جان فکرت ګرداننده وبلاک یادداشتهایی از کابل ګرفتم ، آنچه خودت در مورد زندګی وجنجال های آن که سردچارت شده نوشته ای جالب اند وخواندنی ، فقط میخواستم برایت بنویسم که زندګی همیشه تنها بازیبایی هایش زیبا نیست ، زشتی هایش نیز خوشایند اند ، ووقتی که خودت با جرآتی که داری به خیر از جنجال موجود رهایی یافتی زاویه های بسیار روشن دیګر از زندګی ات را خواهی دید ، فقط استوار باش وبه پیش در راه غلبه بر هرچه مشکل است ، یک هموطنت

  2. فرهاد از کابلMarch 16, 2009 at 5:19 AM

    با عرض سلام و احترام خدمت شما دوست عزیز.
    به قول دوستان زندگی زیباست حتی یک لحظه ان پس شما هم تنها امید به خدا داشته باش که کسی جز او شفابخش نیست.
    چنین که حافظ می فرماید:
    خوشتر ز عیش و صحبت و باغ و بهار چیست
    ساقی کجاست گو سبب انتظار چیست
    هر وقت خوش که دست دهد مغتنم شمار
    کس را وقوف نیست که انجام کار چیست
    پیوند عمر بسته به موییست هوش دار
    غمخوار خویش باش غم روزگار چیست
    معنی اب زندگی و روضه اروم
    جز طرف جوبیار و می خوشگوار چیست
    مستور و مست هر دو چو از یک قبیله اند
    ما دل به عشوه که دهیم اختیار چیست

  3. Dear Khala jan
    Be strong.
    Be hopful.
    The God is beneficient and merciful.
    We pray to you, you also pray and read holey Quran more these dayes.

  4. I had GI cancer 8 years ago and my best friend was always trying to give me hope. I experienced pain, chemo and radiotherapy and therefore know your feeling. But don't take life that seriously since I'm alive and healthy now and my friend who gave me hope all the time passed away 5 years ago from heart attack at the age of 33!
    enjoy every single moment of your life and don't think of the future as it's not predictable at all.

  5. Hello dear shima jani this is Gulaly's son Sayed Mohammad Sharif from kandahar, i am really happy that i found your blog address, my parents and all of our family members are praying for you. Don't worry we will continue praying for you, have a good day and i will keep watching your blog. bye and say salaams to each and every one. Good bye, Sayed M.Sharif

  6. salam khala jan
    adress weblog shoma ra az nasim jan fokorat giriftam mekhastam begoiam ke inshallah 100 sal zindagi koni wa saya sarat roy bacha hat bashad ba omid khodawand jor meshi
    hamesha qawi bash
    omidwaram ke hamesha shad wa sari hal bashi wa ba zodi halat khob shawad
    az khodawand barayat shafay ajil mekhaham
    abbas anis

  7. Salaam, your in my prayers. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! Be strong for yourself and your children! God is with you!
    Atash Parcha