Feeling 90%!

For the record, I am feeling much better. The pain is gone (I guess I just need a good stay in bed). Yesterday I got my 1 of 3 chemo treatment (Hercepton). The kids are home for Spring break (and driving me crazy). So Sami went to sleep at Moor's house and I took Nina with me. As I sat there to get my 3 hour treatment through my port in my chest, I saw a very young girl come in in a wheel chair for her treatment. She was wearing the bandanna to cover her bald head and I though about myself a year ago....how I was at exactly where she was. I realized how hard life was at that moment we are living it (like this little girl who got wheel chaired in). I remembered how I hated my bald head (spent more money on wigs then food at the time). I hated going into Chemo because I would feel tired and out of it after. Now, I am counting the day to my last treatment (two more left). My hair has come in nice and curly (very short right now), the nurse even commented how she wished she had the gut ts to cut it short and wear it the way I am wearing it. Yesterday I managed to get dressed cute and put make up on (it has been a long time since I had a flat belly and some foobs -- I know Afghans are not suppose to talk about their body parts....but damn it I worked hard for this). By now most of you have realized I am not a typical Afghan.

I took Nina (my 7 years old) and she was not fazed on mommy sitting in a chair and getting treatment. She kept reading children books to me and asked me if the treatment was killing the cancer inside my body. Sometimes I wish we could think like little kids and believe everything is black and white.

You know what scares me the most now that this ordeal is almost done? The fact that I might need to face this again some day. We have no clue why people get cancer, we have no cure for it, so how can I be certain that in 4, 5 or even 10 years it might not come back again. My Cancer is the result of my body making too much Protein, while all these treatment, radiation killed it....I still have no clue how my body made it to begin with. So my biggest fear is what if I have to do this all over again when this cancer decides it wants to invade another part of my body. The beef,lamb and even chicken we eat are all pumped with steroids, is this having a negative effect on my body. I do love a good steak!

Do you remember that family friend I told who got rushed back from Afghanistan because she was sick. The doctors diagnosed her with Leukemia. I called her mom to see how she was doing. I told her mom to please tell her daughter to freeze her eggs so she can have a chance to have a baby later in life. I think her mom didn't understand what I was asking her so she said she didn't know and will tell her husband. Last night on the news, this man had frozen his sperms when he was diagnosed with Leukemia 22 years ago. He got married a few years ago and decided he wanted a baby. He took his frozen sperms and they just had a healthy 8lb baby 22 years later! I was just trying to explain that Chemo can kill her eggs and she may not be able to have kids later when she beats her Cancer. But again, her mom didn't understand me and some people might see it as unislamic. This is why we need to get the message out and be prepared for life.

Iqbal and I discussed if I wanted to put a side a few eggs before I started chemo. We had already decided before I was diagnosed that we did not want anymore children so when the doctor asked me to consider freezing my eggs, we discussed it one more time and we both felt that we still did not want to have anymore children in the future. We felt blessed to have a son and daughter. If in the future, after chemo it happened we will be okay with it. If it did not happen we are still okay with our decisions. Off course this morning fighting over the remote control between the two confirmed we made the right decision.