Light at the end of the Road

What a year 2008 was for me! I have always thought I was lucky and had an angel watching over me. I was thankful for what I had -- Great husband, a job I like, healthy kids...bla,bla,bla. Boy did my life get tested with a small lump! For once in my life I felt I didn't know where I was or where I was going. My future was no longer safe.

Some how I made it through the chemo treatment, the loss of my hair, the extra wight that comes with chemo (like I need an excuse for all the gain weight). When you are five feet tall, gaining 1lb is enough to make you look like a ball.....so gaining an extra 20 lbs on top of the "desk job" weight is enough to wear a mu-mu for the rest of your life.

People tell me I am strong for making through this -- I am not strong. I had no choice. I had two little kids I needed to worry about. I am not done with leaving my mark on the world! I still want to know why me?

Where I am today, I have two more Hercepton treatment to go and scheduled for a DIEP surgery with Dr. Serletti in two weeks. I am very scared -- but then again I get scared anytime I have to go under. I am also scared of the pain and depending on people after the surgery.

You ask what is a DIEP (Deep Inferior Epigastric Perforator (artery). A type of surgery that takes my lower abdomen skin and fat (I do have a lot of this) and created my new Foobs. The main reason I decided on this was I did not want the DR to removes my stomach muscle. I know too much details. If you only knew the amount of pictures and website I visited to make sure I was doing the right thing.